I hear a lot of people talk about their upbringing in a certain way. It gives us an anchor. Helps us to explain who we are, why we do the things we do, our behaviours, values and beliefs. All these things fascinate me. But sometimes it also gives us a get-out-of-jail-free card; which unfortunately means we give our power away. For as long as our lot is someone else’s fault, we don’t have to change; can’t actually.
I love this quote from J.K. Rowling:
“There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.”
I realised with some discomfort that I couldn’t blame my parents anymore. There was a lot of comfort and self-justified satisfaction in my problems being someone else’s fault. Here’s how I realised that my problems weren’t caused by my upbringing:
People cannot know what they don’t know… which also means they cannot be who they aren’t. We are all accumulations of our life and experiences and no one has mine. They only have theirs, they can only see things their way, based on experiences I can’t even begin to imagine. Psychologists estimate that 85% of families are dysfunctional so this is a pretty cool revelation, maybe it would help bridge some gaps between people.
As an adult no one knows better what would make me happy or what I want or need. So only I can create a positive shift in life… I learnt about something called ancestral programming. The way that I am, may have been influenced by my parents, who’s habits and values were influenced by theirs, and theirs and theirs, going back ad infinitum… Perhaps during times of war, poverty, mental health issues… things that we will never know. But which may influence and be absorbed into our habitual actions today. Things that make no sense perhaps. Maybe though we can recognise some behaviours don’t serve us and we can take steps to change ourselves. Woo hoo!